Two major variables: When considering the dimensions of parenting styles and the child outcomes, Baumrind and others tend to focus on 2 major characteristics. (1) Responsiveness of the parent to the child. This includes being reasonable and nurturant and providing supportive feedback to the child; (2) Demandingness of the parent for the child to comply with established rules and expectations. When these 2 variables are considered (in the chart above), we gain a better understanding of the resulting Styles of Parenting.

Authoritative Style: These parents love their children, hope the best for them, and have high expectations in terms of compliance to adult direction and school success. They expect their children to do well in school, in sports, in arts, and in society in general. These parents tend to be reasonable in how much they expect and in how they support the child's development and behavior. They tend to provide warmth and nurturance as they respond to the child. They also encourage the child to understand the issues, values, and expectations of the parent. They talk, discuss, provide feedback, allow for cooperation and collaboration, as they try to convince the child to voluntarily comply with the parent. This process of inducing voluntary compliance is called "Induction." Induction tends to be the control technique used by Authoritative parents. In other words, these parents are high on demandingness and high on responsiveness.

Children of these parents tend to be more well adjusted in life and more successful in school.

Authoritarian Style: These parents love their children, hope the best for them, and have high expectations in terms of compliance to adult direction and school success. They expect their children to do well in school, in sports, in arts, and in society in general. These parents, however, tend to be unreasonable in their expectations and unresponsive to the child's developmental needs. Compliance to parental authority seems to be of great importance, at the sacrifice of the child's understanding of the issues and values. "You don't need to understand, you only need to comply!" seems to be the motto of the strict authoritarian. These parents tend to rely heavily on the use of "Coercion" to force the child's compliance. Coercion includes the use of threat, intimidation, physical punishment, fear, and love withdrawal. In other words, these parents are high on demandingness but low on responsiveness.

Children of these parents tend to be more anxious, withdrawn, and unhappy. They also tend to have more difficulty with peer relationships (hostility and aggression) which often results in problems in school. Due to the lack of parental support and responsive interaction, academic skills are often less than desired.

Permissive Style: These parents love their children, hope the best for them, but do not provide specific direction in terms of expectations and rules for compliance. Children are often left to decide for themselves what they will do. Although these parents may be warm and nurturant and reasonably responsive to the physical and emotional needs of the child, they do not provide the guidance support that children need. In other words, these parents are low on demandingness and range from low to high on responsiveness.

Children of these parents tend to be the least mature when compared to children from the other parenting styles. They tend to be self-centered, impulsive, disobedient, and rebellious.

Parenting styles

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A parenting style is a psychological construct representing standard strategies that parents use in their child rearing. There are many differing theories and opinions on the best ways to rear children, as well as differing levels of time and effort that parents are willing to invest. Parental investment starts soon after birth. This includes the process of birth, breast-feeding, affirming the value of the baby’s cry as the parent.

Many parents create their own style from a combination of factors, and these may evolve over time as the children develop their own personalities and move through life's stages. Parenting style is affected by both the parents' and children's temperaments, and is largely based on the influence of one’s own parents and culture. "Most parents learn parenting practices from their own parents — some they accept, some they discard."^[1] The degree to which a child's education is part of parenting is a further matter of debate.

Theories of child rearing

One of the best known theories of parenting style was developed by Diana Baumrind (1966).^[1] She proposed that parents fall into one of three categories: authoritarian (telling their children exactly what to do), indulgent (allowing their children to do whatever they wish), or authoritative (providing rules and guidance without being overbearing). The theory was later extended to include negligent parents (disregarding the children, and focusing on other interests).

A number of ethical parenting styles have been proposed, some based on the authoritarian model of strict obedience to scriptural law (for example in the Bible), others based on empathy with the emotional state of a child.

The intensity of parental involvement remains a matter of debate. At opposite extremes are Slow parenting in which parents stand back, merely supporting their children in doing what they want to do as independent individuals (but guiding them when the children are not developing healthy attitudes), versus Concerted cultivation in which children are driven to attend a maximum number of lessons and organised activities, each designed to teach them a valuable skill which the parent has decided for them.

Beginning in the 17th century, two philosophers independently wrote works that have been widely influential in child rearing. John Locke's 1693 book Some Thoughts Concerning Education is a well known foundation for educational pedagogy from a Puritan standpoint. Locke highlights the importance of experiences to a child's development, and recommends developing their physical habits first. In 1762, the French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau published a volume on education, Emile: or, On Education.^[2] He proposed that early education should be derived less from books and more from a child's interactions with the world. Of these, Rousseau is more consistent with slow parenting, and Locke is more for concerted cultivation.

Other theorists, mainly from the twentieth century, have focused on how children develop and have had a significant impact on childhood education and how parents rear their children.

Jean Piaget's theory of cognitive development describes how children represent and reason about the world.^[3] This is a developmental stage theory that consists of a Sensorimotor stage, Preoperational stage, Concrete operational stage, and Formal operational stage. Piaget was a pioneer in the field of child development and continues to influence parents, educators and other theorists.

Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist, proposed eight life stages through which each person must develop. In each stage, they must understand and balance two conflicting forces, and so parents might choose a series of parenting styles that helps each child as appropriate at each stage. The first five of his eight stages occur in childhood: The virtue of hope requires balancing trust with mistrust, and typically occurs from birth to one year old. Will balances autonomy with shame and doubt around the ages of two to three. Purpose balances initiative with guilt around the ages of four to six years. Competence balances industry against inferiority around ages seven to 12. Fidelity contrasts identity with role confusion, in ages 13 to 19. The remaining adult virtues are love, care and wisdom.

Rudolf Dreikurs believed that pre-adolescent children's misbehaviour was caused by their unfulfilled wish to be a member of a social group. He argued that they then act out a sequence of four mistaken goals: first they seek attention. If they do not get it, they aim for power, then revenge and finally feel inadequate. This theory is used in education as well as parenting, forming a valuable theory upon which to manage misbehaviour. Other parenting techniques should also be used to encourage learning and happiness.

Frank Furedi is a sociologist with a particular interest in parenting and families. He believes that the actions of parents are less decisive than others claim. He describes the term infant determinism,^[4] as the determination of a person's life prospects by what happens to them during infancy, arguing that there is little or no evidence for its truth. While other commercial, governmental and other interests constantly try to guide parents to do more and worry more for their children, he believes that children are capable of developing well in almost any circumstances. Furedi quotes Steve Petersen of Washington University in St. Louis: "development really wants to happen. It takes very impoverished environments to interfere with development ... [just] don't raise your child in a closet, starve them, or hit them on the head with a frying pan."^[5] Similarly, the journalist Tim Gill has expressed concern about excessive risk aversion by parents and those responsible for children in his book No Fear.^[6] This aversion limits the opportunities for children to develop sufficient adult skills, particularly in dealing with risk, but also in performing adventurous and imaginative activities.

In 1998, independent scholar Judith Rich Harris published The Nurture Assumption, in which she argued that scientific evidence especially behavioral genetics showed that all different forms of parenting do not have significant effects on children's development, short of cases of severe abuse or neglect. The purported effects of different forms of parenting are all illusions caused by heredity, the culture at large, and children's own influence on how their parents treat them.

Baumrind's general parenting styles

Diana Baumrind (1966) became particularly interested in the connection between the parental behavior and the development of instrumental competence, which refers to the ability to manipulate the environment to achieve ones goals. In her research, she found what she considered to be the four basic elements that could help shape successful parenting: responsiveness vs. unresponsiveness and demanding vs. undemanding. From these, she identified three general parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive.^{[7][8][9][10]} Maccoby and Martin expanded the styles to four: authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent and neglectful in 1983.^[11][12] These four styles of parenting involve combinations of acceptance and responsiveness on the one hand and demand and control on the other.^[1]

Baumrind believed that parents should be neither punitive nor aloof.^[1] Rather, they should develop rules for their children and be affectionate with them. These parenting styles are meant to describe normal variations in parenting, not deviant parenting, such as might be observed in abusive homes.^[13] Most parents do not fall neatly in one category, but fall somewhere in the middle, showing characteristics of more than one style.

[edit] Authoritative parenting

The parent is demanding and responsive. When this style is systematically developed, it grows to fit the descriptions propagative parenting and concerted cultivation.

Authoritative parenting, also called 'assertive democratic'^[14] or 'balanced' parenting,^[15] is characterized by a child-centered approach that holds high expectations of maturity. Authoritative parents can understand how their children are feeling and teach them how to regulate feelings. They often help their children to find appropriate outlets to solve problems. Authoritative parents encourage children to be independent but still place controls and limits on their actions.^[1] Extensive verbal give-and-take is not refused, and parents try to be warm and nurturant toward the child.^[1] Authoritative parents are not usually as controlling as authoritarian parents, allowing the child to explore more freely, thus having them make their own decisions based upon their own reasoning. Often, authoritative parents produce children who are more independent and self-reliant.^[16] An authoritative parenting style mainly results when there is high parental responsiveness and high parental demands.^[17]

Authoritative parents will set clear standards for their children, monitor the limits that they set, and also allow children to develop autonomy. They also expect mature, independent, and age-appropriate behavior of children. Punishments for misbehavior are measured and consistent, not arbitrary or violent.^[1] Authoritative parents set limits and demand maturity, but when punishing a child, the parent will explain his or her motive for their punishment. Children are more likely to respond to authoritative parenting punishment because it is reasonable and fair. A child knows why they are being punished because an authoritative parent makes the reasons known. They are attentive to their children’s needs and concerns, and will typically forgive and teach instead of punishing if a child falls short.^[18] This is supposed to result in children having a higher self esteem and independence because of the give-take nature of the authoritative parenting style. This is the most recommended style of parenting by child-rearing experts.^{[citation needed]} Authoritative parenting commonly leads children to have higher academic achievement and fewer behavioral problems.

Authoritarian parenting

The parent is demanding but not responsive. Elaborate becomes totalitarian parenting.

Authoritarian parenting, also called strict parenting,^[15] is characterized by high expectations of conformity and compliance to parental rules and directions, while allowing little open dialogue between parent and child. Authoritarian parenting is a restrictive, punitive parenting style in which parents make their children follow their directions and respect their work and effort.^[1] Authoritarian parents expect much of their child, but generally do not explain the reasoning for the rules or boundaries.^[19] Authoritarian parents are less responsive to their child’s needs, and are more likely to ground their child rather than discuss the problem.^[20] Authoritarian parenting deals with low parental responsiveness and high parental demand, the parents tend to demand obedience without explanation and focus on status.^[17]

Children resulting from this type of parenting may have less social competence because the parent generally tells the child what to do instead of allowing the child to choose by him or herself.^[21] Nonetheless, researchers have found that in some cultures and ethnic groups, aspects of authoritarian style may be associated with more positive child outcomes than Baumrind expects. "Aspects of traditional Asian child-rearing practices are often continued by Asian American families. In some cases, these practices have been described as authoritarian."^[1] If the demands are pushed too forcefully upon the child, the child may break down, rebel, or run away.It may even lead them to suicidal thoughts thinking that is their only way out.

Indulgent parenting

The parent is responsive but not demanding.

Indulgent parenting, also called permissive, nondirective or lenient,^[15] is characterized as having few behavioral expectations for the child. "Indulgent parenting is a style of parenting in which parents are very involved with their children but place few demands or controls on them."^[1] Parents are nurturing and accepting, and are very responsive to the child's needs and wishes. Indulgent parents do not require children to regulate themselves or behave appropriately. This may result in creating spoiled brats or "spoiled sweet" children depending on the behavior of the children.

Children of permissive parents may tend to be more impulsive, and as adolescents, may engage more in misconduct, and in drug use. "Children never learn to control their own behavior and always expect to get their way."^[1] But in the better cases they are emotionally secure, independent and are willing to learn and accept defeat. They mature quickly and are able to live life without the help of someone else.^[22]. Children of permissive parents tend to have lower academic achievement levels than children of authoritative and authoritarian parents.

From a recent study,

• The teens least prone to heavy drinking had authoritative parents who scored high on both accountability and warmth.
• So-called 'indulgent' parents, those low on accountability and high on warmth, nearly tripled the risk of their teen participating in heavy drinking.
• 'Strict parents' or authoritarian parents – high on accountability and low on warmth – more than doubled their teen’s risk of heavy drinking.^[23]

But as previously noted, the usefulness of these data are limited, as they are only correlational and can not rule out effects such as personality correlations (people with the personality that makes them become permissive parents, despite recommendations not to be, may also have the personality to encourage heavy drinking in some other way), heredity (permissive parents and their children share the personality to be hands-off and are likely to be less driven as their authoritarian counterparts), child-to-parent effects (unfocused and unmanageable children might discourage their parents from trying too hard), and local shared cultural values (that may not emphasize achievement).

Neglectful parenting

The parent is neither demanding nor responsive. Cannot be elaborated.

Neglectful parenting is also called uninvolved, detached, dismissive or hands-off.^[15] The parents are low in warmth and control, are generally not involved in their child's life, are disengaged, undemanding, low in responsiveness, and do not set limits. Neglectful parenting can also mean dismissing the children's emotions and opinions. Parents are emotionally unsupportive of their children, but will still provide their basic needs. Provide basic needs meaning: food, housing, and toiletries or money for the prementioned.^[24] Neglectful parenting can stem from a variety of reasons, this includes the parent's prioritizing themselves, lack of encouragement on the parent's parts, financial stresses, lack of support and addiction to harmful substances.^[25]

Children whose parents are neglectful develop the sense that other aspects of the parents’ lives are more important than they are. Many children of this parenting style often attempt to provide for themselves or halt depending on the parent to get a feeling of being independent and mature beyond their years.^[1] Parents, and thus their children, often display contradictory behavior. Children become emotionally withdrawn from social situations. This disturbed attachment also impacts relationships later on in life. In adolescence, they may show patterns of truancy and delinquency.^[1]

A study done by Maccoby and Martin (1983) analyzed adolescents, aged 14– 18 in four areas: psychosocial development, school achievement, internalized distress, and problem behaviour. The study found that those with neglectful parents scored the lowest on these tests, while those with authoritative parents scored the highest.^[26]

Other parenting styles

What may be right for one family or one child may not be suitable for another. With authoritarian and permissive (indulgent) parenting on opposite sides of the spectrum, most conventional and modern models of parenting fall somewhere in between. The model or style that parents employ depends partly on how they themselves were reared, what they consider good parenting, the child's temperament, their current environmental situation, and whether they place more importance on their own needs or whether they are striving to further their child's future success. Parents who place greater importance on the child's physical security may be more authoritarian, while parents who are more concerned with intellectual development may push their children into a number of organized extra-curricular activities such as music and language lessons.

• Attachment parenting – Seeks to create strong emotional bonds, avoiding physical punishment and accomplishing discipline through interactions recognizing a child's emotional needs all while focusing on holistic understanding of the child.
• Aware parenting – Very similar to attachment parenting but in addition, recognises the impact of stress and the need to release stress by crying and raging in the accepting, loving presence of the parent.
• Christian parenting – The application of biblical principles on parenting, mainly in the United States. While some Christian parents follow a stricter and more authoritarian interpretation of the Bible, others are "grace-based" and share methods advocated in the attachment parenting and positive parenting theories. Particularly influential on opposite sides have been James Dobson and his book Dare to Discipline,^[27] and William Sears who has written several parenting books including The Complete Book of Christian Parenting & Child Care and The Discipline Book.
• Concerted cultivation – A style of parenting that is marked by the parents' attempts to foster their child's talents through organized leisure activities. This parenting style is commonly exhibited in middle and upper class American families.
• Emotion coaching – This style of parenting lays out a loving, nurturing path for raising happy, well-adjusted, well-behaved children. It’s called emotion coaching and it feels good to parents and kids alike. Emotion coaching helps teach your child how to recognize and express the way he is feeling in an appropriate way.
• Nurturant parenting – A family model where children are expected to explore their surroundings with protection from their parents.
• Overparenting – Parents who try to involve themselves in every aspect of their child's life, often attempting to solve all their problems. A helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her children's experiences and problems, and attempts to sweep all obstacles out of their paths, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead. It is a form of overparenting.
• Parenting For Everyone – A parenting book and one individual's philosophy that discusses parenting from an ethical point of view.
• Parenting by Connection - A parenting approach taught by Hand in Hand Parenting that nurtures the parent child relationship. Research shows that it is a well connected relationship between a parent and child that leads to the best outcomes for young people. Unlike parenting methods that rely on systems of rewards and punishment, our philosophy is centered on children's strong, innate desire to love and be loved. Parenting by Connection is based on listening tools for children and parents, such as playlistening, staylistening, special time, setting limits with warmth and listening partnerships for parents.
• Punishment based - Punishment based parenting uses pain, punishment, intimidation, yelling, degradation, humiliation, shame, guilt, or other things that can hurt a child's self-esteem or hurt them physically. Their emotional growth and well being are affected greatly. Punishment based discipline hurts the relationship between parent and child.Punishment will put unnecessary pressure on the child and the child is less apt to perform due to pressure.
• Shared Parenting/Shared Earning where two married parents share the responsibility of parenting relatively equally and the responsibility of earning money relatively equally.
• Slow parenting – Encourages parents to plan and organise less for their children, instead allowing them to enjoy their childhood and explore the world at their own pace.
• Strict parenting – An authoritarian approach, places a strong value on discipline and following inflexible rules as a means to survive and thrive in a harsh world.
• Taking Children Seriously – The central idea of this movement is that it is possible and desirable to raise and educate children without doing anything to them against their will, or making them do anything against their will.

No one parenting style is “right” and all other parenting styles “wrong.” Parenting is a lifelong job of trials and errors and hindsight is always 20/20. All parents must decide for themselves how to raise their children, there are no fixed rules, no written instructions, and no operator’s manual. No two kids are alike. What works for one child may not work for another. There are situations in each of our lives that influence the way we choose to do things, consciously and subconsciously. This includes parenting. How we were raised, when we were raised, and where we were raised are all factors that play an important role in childrearing. Parents should be open-minded to the choices other parents make, learn about the parenting styles of other cultures and consider if there aren’t things we could be doing differently (Small, 1998). “Parents of all cultures should be able to learn from one another” (Chua, 2011).

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